I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was asked to leave my grandparents' house when Michael was 2. This was a very hard transition for both Michael and myself. I'd lived with my grandparents since I was 13. Maddox's father was not involved in his life and he died before he ever really got a chance to know him. Maddox's fathers' family denies him to this day, despite the fact that I have offered to pay for DNA testing to prove that Maddox is actually related to them.
I moved into my first apartment with my 2 year old and I thought we were going to be okay. He was bright and he hated daycare but I assumed that he'd get used to it. He was biting other children regularly so I sought the help of the school district and early intervention. The school district believed he needed early intervention but they didn't want to pay for it so they waited until he was 3 and the school district themselves needed to pay for his care.
I also took him to his pediatrician to rule out any medical conditions that could be contributing to his biting, insomnia, and violence. His pediatrician decided he needed to be evaluated by an ENT because he had recurrent ear infections and enlarged tonsils. His doctor believed if those issues were taken care of then his other issues would be fixed. Michael had the surgery 2 months after he turned 3. His surgery was on a Friday.
The hospital discharged him 3 hours after surgery because of the risk of RSV and because he wouldn't calm down. He was in a psychotic state. I know that now, but at the time, I didn't have any idea what was going on with my son. He was talking about cats that were going to hurt him and how he wasn't ever taking his hospital gown off because it was protecting him. I assumed this was all just weird post-anesthetic mumblings. The entire way home I couldn't get him to stay in his carseat. I called the pediatrician after his ENT didn't return my calls. He said that this sometimes happens and to give him an age appropriate dose of benedryl to counteract the effects. It did not help. I called back and he said to try to give him some Sudafed (it was still on the market for children at this time since it was 5 years ago) to help with any congestion or pressure that might be on his ears, and to dry up any post nasal drip because that could be causing him pain since he had his tonsils removed. I gave him the dose and it still didn't help. A couple hours later I called him again and he said that it was safe to give him his prescription pain medication and ibuprofen as well.
After all of that medication he finally stopped screaming and fighting and wanted to eat crackers. I told him he wasn't supposed to have them because it could hurt his throat. He was desperate. I finally agreed to break up saltines in a bag and he could eat them with a spoon since they wouldn't have sharp edges. He ate it and then demanded to see his grandmother. I called her and told her everything that had happened. She said to bring him to her and she would care for him since I had to be back at work on Monday. I said that I didn't want to burden her but she said she would rather have him at her house. We went there and he ran around touching walls and objects. It was the first time I noticed that behavior. He never stopped doing it. When he was 7 he told me it was because he couldn't tell whether objects or walls were real unless he touched them. Upon reflection- he has done this before the surgery and I didn't notice it.
She and my grandfather were able to distract him and he fell asleep for a couple hours that night. I came back up there to see him and he was just as wild as he was the day before. He refused pain meds and said he was fine. I called the ped again. He said to keep the follow up with the ENT. My grandmother said that he wasn't sleeping any better after the surgery when he stayed the night with her and I agreed. He was only sleeping 1-3 hours in a 24 hour period. His biting and aggression were getting worse. When I took him to his ENT for a follow up he was shocked that Maddox wasn't behaving any better. He said it looked like a psychiatric issue and gave me a referral for a pediatric psychiatrist.
I agreed because I didn't think it could hurt. I didn't really think he was seriously mentally ill- I thought he was bright and misunderstood. He was tiny as a 3 year old and I thought he was just being bullied at daycare. He didn't sleep much at home and he was violent often, but he was also so little that it wasn't a big deal. I could keep him safe. I assumed he'd grow out of it. I knew that toddlers slept badly because of developmental milestones and I assumed that was the issue with Michael since his vocabulary was astounding.
How very wrong and naive I was.
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